**Takes the biggest fucking exhale of an imaginative cigarette for dramatic effect.

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For those who may have not been able to witness, the Bulls got a big fat “Fuck You” on national television. The NBA just prison styled us, gave the Bulls the 7th PICK OF THE DRAFT AND I AM LOSING MY DAMN MIND. I was going to attempt to keep this blog at least PG-13, but when an entire city gets fucked by a sandpaper dildo, it’s hard to be filtered.

I feel like a fat kid in high school (me back in the day) that just spent months on end talking to a girl, a girl that is way out of my league. Yeah, I don’t have the washboard abs but I have some great qualities- funny, laid back, can chug a Busch Light faster than her dad. So I do everything I can to prove that I am worthy of taking this relationship from hopeful to affirmative. Then, on the night of prom, where all the groundwork has been laid, I have an entire city (a group of friends) behind me in support. The time has come for everything I have dreamed of and thought of when I need help falling asleep at night to happen.

Then….

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She laughs in my face, has sex with my best friend, then tells me I’m like the brother she’s never had. This is what it feels like to be a Bulls fan tonight. I can’t compute this in my head, the very, very worst case scenario I had was we end up with the 5th pick.

I won’t even dive into how rigged this NBA Draft Lottery is. All conspiracies aside, it’s kind of laughable how blatant and obvious it is right? The better question is what did we do to deserve this? Why does Adam Silver hate us? Why do bad things happen to good people? This is a knee jerk reaction blog so I’m really trying to control myself here.

I don’t want to hear Cleveland cry- you’ve had 3 #1 picks in the last 8 years, and none of them are on your team. You are not worthy to even complain. Go talk about how the Browns are going to go 8-8 this season.

New York- Don’t act like you were either going to ruin Zion’s career in classic NY fashion, or trade him off to New Orleans in a trade for Anthony Davis. So I will not accept your tears either.

Chicago- We will get through this together. Writing aggressive blogs helps and I 10/10 recommend.

Now the fact of the matter is, that 7th pick is absolutely useless. Don’t try and sit there and tell me different. We got screwed, there is no other way to put it. The absolute best case scenario is that we get Jarrett Culver, and that doesn’t sound like Zion or Ja to me.

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I’ll tell you what we do now. Gar/Pax, Jerry, the whole Bulls organization gets off their ass and make the biggest push possible for Kemba. There is absolutely no excuse not to now. Kemba on the Bulls takes us to a surefire playoff team, and maybe even a semi-deep run. We have the roster, we have the city, we have the money, now go out there and get this fucking guy and salvage this offseason.

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