With a little more than two weeks remaining until the 2018 NFL season officially kicks off, the Oakland (soon-to-be Las Vegas) Raiders are still mired in a game of contractual chicken with All-Pro defensive lineman Khalil Mack. With neither side budging, trade talks have entered the conversation, with three strong candidates for trade destinations.
As it stands now, the Raiders reportedly have four options on the table for Mack, who is asking he be paid better than any other defensive player in the NFL. While rumors range from taxi cab drivers seeing Mack in Motown to obsessed and long-suffering Jets fans praying to their Mack hair dolls, the situation has become anything but predictable. here are the top three possible destinations for Mack, if the Raiders are done blinking.
And, yeah, I said hair doll.
Choice No. 3: New York Jets
Let’s be clear, the Jets suck. No, seriously. Worse is they’re stuck in a division that has Tom Brady, who constantly holds New York’s head under water longer than it can gurgle J-E-T-S, JETS JETS JETS. Mack’s prospects here are cloudy. With an offense as anemic as Slender Man himself, tossing shutouts won’t be easy. But, whatever he does, he’ll still have to deal with getting sack punched by Brady twice a year while his team’s offense butt fumbles and stumbles its way into punting position almost every offensive series. It’d be purgatory for Mack, who will be helpless to contribute on offense. It’ll get old real quick and there’d be no way Mack would want to stick around. Right now, even Cleveland is a more appealing option for Mack.
Choice No. 2: Green Bay Packers
Clay Matthews is a freak. Aaron Rodgers is the coolest dude in football. Green Bay is Titletown U.S.A. Blah blah blah. And Brett Favre has a great data plan too. Don’t care. I don’t want to see Mack in Green Bay for many reasons, but — more than anything — the last thing Aaron Rodgers needs is a complete defense. Not even The Blessed Knight of Our Deflated Pigskin could beat Rodgers if he’s backed by the kind of stout defense this move would create. With Matthews teaming alongside Mack, and Rodgers slinging it around like Dirk Diggler, it’d be a Game of Thrones-style bloodbath. Packers are currently listed as the favorite of the trade destinations. Here’s hoping it doesn’t or a casual Sunday wedding BBQ at Lord Walder Frey’s house will be nothing compared to the carnage you’ll find at Lambeau this season when winter finally comes.
Choice No. 1: Chicago Bears
A franchise born of defense. Memories of historic defenders of today and yesteryear line the annals of Halas Hall. Not sure there is a better place for a defensive player to earn their legend. As the team with the second-best odds to land Mack right now, according to Vegas, the Bears pose an interesting possibility. With Leonard Floyd entering his third season, and a real live wizard in defensive coordinator Vic Fangio, Mack would dominate the backfield. More so, he’d be a living legend in the Second City, a city that need only mention the 1985 Bears before pulses race and pride swells. Being a defensive stud in Chicago is like being Justin Bieber at a middle school dance or Christopher Walken in, well, life. He’d be the big dog, and the deference he’d be paid would far exceed any paycheck. For Mack, I can’t imagine a better destination.
— ✶ Sports Mockery ✶ (@sportsmockery) August 27, 2018
The Raiders are stuck in this staring contest until either Mack signs a new deal or they find a trade partner with a minimum of at least a pair of first rounders in a deal that could set the franchise up for success for the next half decade. If you’re going to let go of arguably the best defender in the league, you might as well make a killing in doing so. Plus, I’m pretty sure Raiders fans would rather not worry about this trade so they can whine about Derek Carr in peace.
But the Raiders better act fast in this staring contest because Mack, like Robert Goulet’s long horned sheep, will win every time.