Former Cubs Pitcher Dan Haren Tweets About Retirement….And It’s Hilarious


Dan Haren pitched for 13 seasons in Major League Baseball, splitting time with the St. Louis Cardinals, Oakland A’s, Arizona Diamondbacks, Los Angeles Angels (no, I’m not typing that whole ridiculous version), Washington Nationals, Los Angeles Dodgers, Miami Marlins, and finished his career with the Chicago Cubs. He finished with a 153-131 record, a 3.75 ERA, over 2000 strikeouts, was an All-Star on three occasions, and finished as high as fifth in the Cy Young voting (2009). It’s safe to say that he had a good career and with retirement always comes reflection and let me say this: Dan Haren is winning reflection if that’s even a thing. If it’s not, he made it a thing. He took to his Twitter account this afternoon to share some gems with us. Just read this in all its glory. Thanks for the laughs, Dan.

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Luke Norris
Luke Norris is a freelance writer, editor, and publisher. He writes on a lot of different topics, but focuses mainly on sports, and that includes being a senior writer here at Sports Mockery. You can follow him on Twitter @THElukenorris, check out his website, The Luke Norris Experience, and like his Facebook page at