Remembering Starlin Castro (Now On Yankees)
Ladies, in case you needed any additional motivation to get pumped up for tonight, here you go. Our boys have amazed on the field all year. Let’s give them the credit they really deserve. Here’s your lineup of the 2015 hottest Cubs. Enjoy the eye candy, and be sure to cheer on your faves tonight against the Bucs.
Bruno Mars…I mean Starlin Castro will take the lead-off spot in our lineup. I just can’t help but look at Starlin and hear, “I think I wanna marry you.” Aside from that catchy clapping going on in the background, of course. We’ve been lucky enough to have Starlin around for a few years now, and it’s good to see he’s heating it up when it counts.
Pedro Strop
Pedro, Pedro. Those eyes. That smile. Your intensity. We love them all. What we don’t particularly care for is your crooked cap. We get it, it’s a style thing. It’s hip. But straighten that baby out, and you’ll probably jump a few spots in next year’s rankings. Just a thought…I digress.
Dexter Fowler (Now Free Agent)
Dex, we LOVE your smile. And we LOVE that you have so many chances to show it off. We know you’re used to being in the lead-off spot, but we think you fit in nicely here. We’re also a big fan of those break dancing moves you busted out on the field during the Cubs postseason clinching celebration. Bravo. We’d like to keep you around a while and see what else you have up your sleeve.
David Ross
Whether you want to call him the Silver Fox or Gray Wolf, you have to admit David Ross is sexy in his “Dad” role on the team. With all the young studs we have in the dugout, it’s good to see someone like Ross be able to take charge and rally the troops.
Javy Baez
We’re so happy you were able to join us for this playoff run, Javy. We hope you, those piercing eyes, and those nicely-sculpted, tattooed arms stay around for a long, long time. We’re also supportive of you continuing to wear the mouth guard on your helmet even when you no longer need it. We’d hate to see anything happen to that pretty little face.
Jake Arrieta
Jake. Those arms, though. Aside from the fact that we think you are the sexiest man alive to ever wear a onesie, we much prefer you in a muscle shirt. Believe us, we appreciate your intense workouts and strict diet. It’s important to treat the body with respect. Especially when it looks like yours. Oh yeah, you’re pretty good on the mound, too. Thank you, Jake.
Jorge Soler
Oh, Jorge. We are so happy you’re back with us. You don’t know how much we missed watching you and your home run trot while you were out injured. Please, please promise us you’ll stay healthy from now on. We wouldn’t mind seeing you in more muscle shirts, too. Maybe Jake can lend you one?
Anthony Rizzo
It’s on a semi-regular basis I hear, “Why can’t you find a nice Italian boy like that Anthony Rizzo?” Yes, Mom. Working on it, Mom. How can you not love this guy? On and off the field, he is an awesome person. A family guy that spends his off time visiting with sick kids and making a difference. I don’t know many of us that could resist that smile. Oh, and did I mention he’s Italian?
Kris Bryant
Now, was there any real doubt in your mind as to who would claim the top spot? Since joining the team this spring, K.B. has been a crowd favorite, especially with the ladies. It’s no doubt Kris has been the greatest all-around surprise for us this year, and hopefully he’ll be around for a long time. Just one thing we beg of you Kris…please, please, do not ever dress up like a Disney princess again. We love you as you are.
Until next time, ladies. #FlyTheW #GoCubsGo
