Last night officially kicked off the 2019 Cubs Convention which is the last major event before pitchers and catchers report to Arizona on February 12th. I’m embarrassed to admit that I was unable to attend the Convention this year because this whole “real job” thing has really been cramping my style.

The first night always is the highlight of the three-day event because it’s the fans first chance to see their favorite players in person during the team introductions to open the event. Those player intros are followed up by an always well-done “hype video” before everyone scatters to catch a few late night sessions at the Convention or stay in the neighborhood to drink heavily. I would always choose the latter but since I was unable to attend, I got to watch some of those late night sessions via the World Wide Web (and still drink heavily.)

The session that has created the biggest stir thus far has been the “Late Night With Ryan Dempster” segment that features the former Cubs pitcher acting as a late night host and bringing on a variety of guests.

One of those guests last night was Kris Bryant and the usually soft spoken Bryant was throwing some serious shade at the city of St. Louis. In his segment, Dempster asks Bryant about his summer and catching a concert with his friend, Bryce Harper. During that concert, St. Louis rapper and band-aid expert, Nelly, was supposedly making his pitch to Harper to try and lure the free-agent to play for his beloved Cardinals.

It was that interaction that triggered KB to completely shit on the city of St. Louis.

Bonus points to Dempster for the “zero chance in hell” quote about playing in St. Louis. It’s not like KB said the city smells like piss (also true) but everyone that’s been to St. Louis knows it’s a boring city so I’m not sure what the issue is here. Did Cardinals fans expect him to rave about how great the city is and gush about all of the shitty food it has to offer?

Unsurprisingly, Bryant’s comments found their way to one of my favorite shit shows to watch — Cardinals twitter.

And ladies and gentlemen, the comments did not disappoint.

And the winner of the “Oh so close” award goes to good ol’ Tyler and his attempt to spell “prima donna.”

Oh so close, Tyler — oh so close.

KB’s segment apparently made its way to some of the Cardinals players themselves who are currently in the middle of something called Cardinals Caravan. One of their relief pitchers, John Brebbia, was quoted saying, “cry me a river, loser” in reference to KB’s statement.  It’s OK, I had to google “Who is John Brebbia” too.

It’s great to be back talking shit and just think…we’re only a few weeks away from Spring Training.