Music is often called the universal language. So, why not use that to describe the 2014 Chicago Bears in all their “glory?” Here is a theme song that accurately describes the player or coach based on how the year has gone for them.
Jay Cutler: “Give It Away” – Red Hot Chili Peppers
The song says it all. No phrase better describes Jay Cutler than “give it away” which he’s been doing to the Bears offense all season. He currently has 17 turnovers, putting him at the top of the NFL.
Matt Forte: “Lean On Me” – Bill Withers
It’s really been that way for years and remains so this season. Whenever the Bears need to get something going on offense, Matt Forte is the guy they lean on. He runs, he catches passes, he pass blocks and he never complains except when he’s not seeing enough of the football.
Brandon Marshall: “Shout” – Tears For Fears
Blows up at the team after a frustrating loss to Miami. Lashes out at somebody on Twitter, challenging him to a boxing match. Yeah, it’s safe to say Brandon Marshall has been doing a lot of shouting lately, whether it’s out of frustration or otherwise.
Alshon Jeffery: “The Batman Theme” – Danny Elfman
Unusual choice? At first glance maybe. Alshon Jeffery is the stark contrast to Marshall. He virtually doesn’t speak at all, yet swoops across the field as if merely gliding through the air and when you least expect, he appears to make a gravity-defying play on the football. The Dark Knight would be proud.
Kyle Long: “T.N.T” – AC/DC
From one second to the next, fans aren’t sure when guard Kyle Long is going to explode. His personality is such that he attacks everything with enthusiasm and he has a lot of fight to him. Such emotion can lead to frequent outbursts on and off the field. Not that it’s always a bad thing.
Martellus Bennett: “Funkytown” – Lipps Inc.
A trip inside the head of Martellus Bennett would most definitely be a trip to Funkytown. He is among the most unique characters in the NFL from his nickname “The Black Unicorn” to his entertaining if unusual YouTube ventures. The Chicago Bears aren’t sure what they have other than an eccentric who can play football.
Lance Briggs: “Shots” – LMFAO
More than a few fans have had their fill of Lance Briggs. For all his brilliance over the years on the field, the guy has been a notorious malcontent who has failed to live up to the same leadership qualities Brian Urlacher exhibited. Some of the most recent examples include skipping practice to open his restaurant and staying out all night partying and drinking.
Jared Allen: “A Little Too Late” – Toby Keith
By the look of things it seems Jared Allen is beginning to find his groove as a pass rusher. Over the past five games he has 2.5 sacks and has been applying regular pressure; however, that doesn’t erase how invisible he was through the first five games, failing to notch any sacks. As the song implies, at 4-6 Allen may be a little too late to the party.
Willie Young: “Catch All The Fish” – Brad Paisley
Definitely one of the bright spots on defense for the Bears in 2014 has been defensive end Willie Young. His constant motor and ability to sack the quarterback is a welcome sight, and nothing has drawn more enjoyment than his “fishing” sack dances. His latest put a twist on the ice cold of Chicago. Fans can only hope he does indeed catch all the fish.
Shea McClellin: “Another One Bites The Dust” – Queen
Here’s a fun fact. None of the 1st round picks the Bears have taken between 2002 and 2012 are still on their roster save for Shea McClellin. If people are looking for a reason why the team isn’t competitive enough, that is why. Sad to say that McClellin is on track to join that unfortunate statistic based on his underwhelming play at linebacker.
Chris Conte: “Breakdown” – Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
Nobody is debating that Chris Conte has athlete skill and he’s shown an ability to pick off passes. The problem is those positives are far outweighed by his negatives, from the constant injury problems to the lack of physicality, to the mind-numbing breakdowns he suffers in coverage and when taking angles to the run.
Ryan Mundy: “Back Up” – Pitbull
It was a red flag when he was first signed, but everybody wanted to ignore it. Ryan Mundy, before joining the Bears had spent the bulk of his career as a backup safety in Pittsburgh and New York. Goes to show how pitiful the position was that he was considered an upgrade. Newsflash: he still plays like a backup.
Tim Jennings: “Heathcliff” – Noam Kaniel
For the less TV savvy folks out there, Heathcliff was a popular children’s cartoon from the ’80s about a wily cat that may have been small in stature but carried himself like a bulldog, willing to do whatever it takes to steal some food from his opponents. How is that not Tim Jennings? For being 5’8″ he plays with the attitude of somebody 6’4″ and doesn’t shy away from delivering a good pop.
Charles Tillman: “Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?” – Culture Club
Okay, this might come across as a bit of a cheap shot but it speaks to the reality of Charles Tillman. As brilliant a corner as he’s been for the Bears, the ever-increasing list of injuries has become the new reality for him, and seeing him shed tears on the sideline was both heartbreaking and perhaps a signal that his body can’t handle the game anymore.
Mel Tucker: “Already Gone” – The Eagles
It may very well end up that defensive coordinator Mel Tucker oversaw the two worst defenses in Chicago Bears history and his 2014 season isn’t even over yet. Yes, he’s still in charge and still fighting, but the fact of the matter is he’s on borrowed time and should be replaced the moment the year is over.
Marc Trestman and Phil Emery: “Revenge of the Nerds” – The Rubinoos
Based on how the team has undergone an epic collapse, it’s hard for Chicago Bears fans not to feel at least a little bit suspicious that GM Phil Emery and head coach Marc Trestman were tearing it all down from the inside. Conspiracy theorists might look at it as a couple of nerds taking revenge on an organization overrun with the same kind of jocks who tortured them when they were younger.
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